Carlisle vs House
by Little Lonely Coyote
Summary: What happens when Carlisle and House get into the same hospital? World War 3, that's what. Rated T just to be safe. It's back! Chapter 3 is up!
1. New Hospital, New kid

**A/N. So, here's my first comedy heh. Hope you like it! It may not be exactly very funny, because I'm not good at comedy's, but it'd still be nice to get a review.**

**Disclaimer: I own none of the characters! **

Chapter 1, New hospital, New Kid

Carlisle's Pov.

Well, new beginning. My family and I went to New Jersey to a house I had bought in the past. I got a new job at a hospital, my bosses names are Gregory House and Lisa Cuddy. I was excited to have a new job in a new hospital. It was always, for me, like opening presents on Christmas morning. Always a new surprise.

We got to New Jersey early in the morning. Around 2am. It was still dark for us, perfect for us to get to the house without any trouble. We got our car and got to the house within 20 minutes. No traffic made it easy. Soon, we were at the house.

Edward helped me race the stuff in the house. Esme had it unpacked as fast as we were getting it in, adding her special touch. Finally, we were unpacked.

3am. I went through the papers I received from the ppth, the new hospital I would be leaving for in 5 hours. I looked at House's file. It had records and such and even his attitude, personality, moods, and physical appearance. Some of it made me laugh.

Dr. Gregory House.

Personality: Slightly insane, has a very unique way in medical practice.

Physical Appearance: Short, slightly grey hair. Never freshly shaven. Has a limp leg due to a motorcycle crash.

I really looked forward to meeting him. He, at least to me, sounded very interesting. Also, being the doctor in me, I also wanted to examine his leg. But I knew that that couldn't happen, reading over his personality list again. I think I'd feel lucky if he even let me shake his hand. I looked over at the clock in my office. 5:30. I heard a knock at my door.

"Come in," I said automatically. Esme walked in, smiling.

"Hello, dear," she said walking over to me, kissing me passionately.

"What're you reading?" she asked me, looking at the papers.

"The files of my new boss," I said, laughing again. She looked down at Dr. House's file. She immediately burst into a fit of giggles. I put my hand around her waist, laughing with her.

"He sounds crazy!" She exclaimed.

"I know, I look so forward to meeting him," I said, resting my head on her hip, as she was sitting on the arm of my chair. We sat, laughing at the poor man for awhile. Soon, I saw the sun come up. It was 7. I needed to get dressed and leave for the hospital. Esme followed me to our bedroom we shared. She had already stocked our closet. I swear, the woman could put all the necessities in a house faster than anyone. I pulled out my lab coat. I pulled out a white shirt and tie and some nice jeans. I took my lab coat in one arm and my keys in the other. I kissed Esme, and left for my car, heading to the Ppth.

Houses Pov.

I limped down the hall, holding this guys file in my hand, reading it as I sipped on my coffee.

Dr. Carlisle Cullen. Age 28. From Forks, Washington.

Many adopted children. Married.

Oh great, another young guy. I figured he would just be an intern, not a real doctor. I continued reading down.

Head surgeon and doctor at Forks Hospital. Known to be the best around. Specializing in-

I continued reading. Said he specialized in like a dozen different practices. I just huffed and dropped it onto my desk. Wilson came in.

"Hey, House. What's the rumor on a new doctor joining the team?" Wilson asked me. I pointed to his file, my nose stuck in my coffee cup. He picked it up and began scanning it.

"Wow. Impressive," He muttered to himself. By the time I was finished with my coffee, Chase, Foreman, Thirteen, and Cuddy were all in my office, reading over his shoulder. They were all muttering on how impressive his resume` was. I just grunted.

"House, when is this guy supposed to be here?" Cuddy asked. I looked over at the clock, 8:00.

"Any time now," I huffed. Suddenly, I knew what I wanted to do today. I ran the list over in my head.

1. Piss off Cuddy

2. Piss off Wilson

3. Piss off this new guy.

4. Piss off the rest of my team.

5. Go home.

Suddenly, my phone beeped with an intercom.

"House, a Dr. Cullen is here," the voice said. Before I could respond, Cuddy clamped her hand over my mouth.

"Send him in," Cuddy said into the speaker.

"Thank you, Ms. Bitchy," I said. I crossed off number one in my head. I could just see the steam come out of her ears. I laughed silently.

A moment later a knock was at my door. Dr. Bitchy- I mean Cuddy, responded to the knock.

"Come in," she said to the door.

**A/N. Haha! Cliffy! Did you like it? I sure hope you did. I want to get some reviews. Thanks!**

**-FantasyBloomed.**


	2. Instructions and Introductions

**A/N. Here it is! Chapter 2 of world war 3. Nah, I'm just kidding. But seriously, wait till what happens. There will also be other pov's in the story, but so far just House and Carlisle. It will transition from one or the other pretty evenly. By the way, if you like it, tell your friends, family, enemies, acquaintances, hobos, chefs, anyone who might read this. Read and review! Thanks!**

**Standard Disclaimer applies.**

Chapter 2, Introductions and Instructions

Carlisle's Pov.

I knocked on the door with the placard saying Gregory House, room 25. I stood, there, waiting for an answer. I could hear people in there, laughing and talking. It seemed like forever, but probably was just a second or two. Then, I heard a female voice.

"Come in," she said. I turned the handle on the door, seeing a bunch of people gathered around on man holding onto a few papers. I guessed they were my files. On the other side of the desk was a man who looked as he was described in the files I received. He swung a cane around. They all turned to look at me. The two women in the room, stared at me in approval. The way most nurses or female doctors looked at me, in awe. They looked back down at my file almost simultaneously, and frowned when it said I was married and had adoptive kids.

"So you are Dr. Cullen?" One man said, finally breaking the ice. It must have just been several seconds, but that was like minutes to me. He had an Australian accent.

"Yes," I said in reply. He seemed pretty cool, but only looked to be about my physical age.

"I'm Dr. Robert Chase" The Australian introduced himself, shaking my hand, breaking off sooner from my cold, hard skin. One of the women stepped forward. She had black wavy hair.

"I'm Lisa Cuddy," she said smiling and hugging me. Obviously, she had no regards of me being married. The other women introduced herself as Thirteen. I went along with it, figuring she had bad luck, earning the nick name Thirteen. She smiled and blushed at me. The others two men introduced themselves. The smaller Caucasian one was James Wilson. The big black (No offense to any of you, not being racist!) man said he was Eric Foreman. I liked him and Chase. They were very welcoming. Finally, House, behind his desk talked.

"So, Cullen. Is all this stuff on your resume` true?" He asked me. Many doctors had asked me that before. He took out an orange pill bottle from his shirt pocket and took whatever the contents were. I could smell it. It had to be Vicodin. Most likely for his crippled leg. I'm sure it still bothered him. I responded to his question.

"Yes. All of it," I replied smoothly. I figured he would begin to question me. But he didn't. I left it alone at that. Like usual, neither of the women in the office could keep their eyes off me. Finally, Cuddy spoke.

"Carlisle, you will be on House's team. Along with Chase, Foreman, Thirteen, and Wilson," she explained to me. This was actually the first hospital that had teams. I found it very nice, being on a team. Yet, I still wasn't so sure about House. He was probably just concerned about me being so… Physically young. I wish Edward were here, I could understand what was going on in House's head right now.

Houses Pov.

He walked in. I was right. He was young. Very young. Even a little young for being out of med school. He had sleek blonde hair, and very pale skin.

"So, you're Cullen?" I asked him.

"Yes," he replied. Then, all the introductions went around. Chase introduced himself first. Thirteen and Cuddy, obviously in love with him, hugged him as they introduced themselves. After the introductions, I spoke again.

"So, are all these things on your resume` true?" I asked. I wasn't sure if I could believe it. I took out my Vicodin and popped one in my mouth, after feeling a tense muscle spasm in my leg.

"Yes, they are," He replied smoothly. He would have to prove it. I looked down the list of specializing he was. Neurology. Crap… That's my job. I really hope he isn't as good at that as I am. These next few… Days? Weeks? Months? Years? I wasn't sure how long he'd last. Hopefully Cuddy would get sick of him and fire him. Hah… Like that would happen. Great. We would be stuck with this guy until the day he decided to quit. Wait, not we. I.

Carlisle's Pov.

"So, Cullen. We have some patients that could use some checking up on. Here's a list and where they are located at. Write down your diagnosis then bring it back here when you're done," House told me my instructions and handed me a clipboard with a pen. Obviously, this was a test, getting to my knowledge. This would be easy. I nodded and left the room.

Using my enhanced senses, I got around the hospital with ease. Finding my way to each patient. First on my list, Lily Jackson. Her room was on the 7th floor. I looked at her chart. She was 19, and had her ovaries removed due to cancerous tumors.

"I'm Dr. Cullen. I'm just checking up on you Lily. So, how are you feeling?" I asked.

"Better than I was a week ago, Dr. Cullen, " she replied. That made sense. I checked her scars. No infection. Good. I marked her off my list and left.

There were several other sick people. One had appendicitis. Another I had to diagnose with cancer. I marked them all off my list and headed back towards Houses office. I looked at my watch. 1 hour since I was told what to do. I saw his door around the corner, and knocked on it. I could smell him in there.

Houses Pov

I heard a knock on my door. Meh. I had not choice to let him in. If I didn't Cuddy and Thirteen would be all over my case.

"Come in," I shouted. Probably a little loud. He opened the door and walked in. I looked at the clock. It had barely been an hour since I sent him on his test. I knew all the patients and what was wrong with them. He handed me the clipboard. I read it over. It was perfect. Plus some more. I tried to keep my jaw from hanging down. He really was all he said he was. Even underselling himself just a little bit. Suddenly, I knew he was be fun to compete against.

"Wow, Cullen. This is impressive," I said, praising him. He just nodded. I motioned for him to sit. In my mind, I went over the sickest of our patients for our team. Secretly, I looked at the list of patients with upcoming operations. Hmm. Heart surgery? Brain surgery (I sure hope not. That's still my job). Maybe a tumor removal from an elder patients stomach. Finally, I gave up and went with the heart surgery.

"So, Cullen. You are also a surgeon right?" I asked him.

"Yes. In LA I was head surgeon. I didn't like it in LA though. To cramped," he said. In a way, I understood. LA had no elbow room at all. I just grunted.

"We have a patient who needs heart surgery. You think you'd be up to it?" I finally asked, getting to the point. I could tell he was surprised, from his expression, being asked to do open heart surgery on your first day was probably a lot to take in. I didn't really care.

"Yeah. I guess I can do it," He said, shrugging. Well, that was that. I had a new surgeon. Once again. I was excited to have competitions with him.

**A/N2. So, how'd you like it? I know it's going a little slow right now, but it will pick up soon. And trust me, the "competitions" are going to be a LOT more elaborate than you may think. C'mon… It's House. Whad'ya expect? So, read and review!**

**Thanks!**

**-Fantasy.**

**P.S Check out some of my other stories to!**


	3. Who the hell is this?

**A/N. I'm so sorry for not updating this in such a long time guys! I'm so happy so many of you have followed/Favorited/reviewed and my writing has come a long way since I started this. I finally came up with something for a new chapter, and there will likely be changes, but they'll be good changes I promise! I know this chapter is sort of short, but it's sort of for my own purposes to set a plot for myself to follow. Enjoy and leave a review!**

I watched him from the viewpoint work on the patient...

I couldn't believe how quick he works. It was... dumb... Yes, I will admit it. I'm a bit jealous. The operation was the fastest and most efficient I've seen in a long time. No loopholes like on M*A*S*H either. It was, and I'll be damned to admit it, the perfect operation...

I watched him scrub and clean up. Cullen didn't even look tired. His expression was that of being able to do three other nine hour operations without so much as a coffee break. Yes, damn it, I'm jealous. Shut up.

As if on cue, Cuddy walks up, her arms crossed over her chest... _that chest._

"He's an excellent surgeon, House. Even you have to admit it," she said with that stupid smirk of hers. I only grunted.

"He's not_ that_ great," I tried to say, but it was futile. Why am I so jealous?!

"You sound like you have a crush on him," Cuddy mocked me. Why does she do that. She knows I hate it. And she likes it that I hate it... I almost growled.

"At least I don't have a crush on him," and with that her grin was wiped away from her face. That felt good. I saw Cullen start to walk back up the stairs, his whole demeanor almost emotionless._ THAT'S MY LOOK. HE TOOK MY LOOK._

I turned to walk away, gripping my cane.

"Where are you going, House?" Cuddy asked. I turned to look at her.

"To find out where this guy actually came from," I actually told her. She followed me, her heels quickly tapping against the tile as she tried to keep up.

"What? Are you going to like... Stalk him?" she asked with that typical horrified tone she always had when she found out my idea through her own means.

"Not stalk him, research him. There is a difference, you know," I explained. She still followed me, but I think it's more out of her own curiosity than to simply chastise me over it. We got into the elevator and headed up to my office.

I sat down at my computer with a sigh and clicked open Google Chrome, and in the search bar typing "Dr. Carlisle Cullen" and looked through the top results. Cuddy was standing behind me, reading over my shoulder. She read aloud the results on one page.

"He was born in Britain, moved over here as a kid and got married. His wife can't have kids so they adopted 5 kids, 1 got married and they had a kid so he's a grandfather... How old is this guy?" Cuddy asked herself. This actually was a bit confusing; he couldn't be far from 25 or 26... How did he graduate medical school so young. Uhg, mybrainhurts.

"Oooooh, maybe he adopted teenagers? That would sort of make sense," Cuddy tried to conclude. Still, it partially didn't make sense. Something doesn't make sense to me? That's a new one. You know what, I'm going to find out.

Pulling out my pager, I paged Chase and Thirteen. In five minutes, they were in my office.

"Chase, Thirteen, find out who the hell Dr. Cullen is," I ordered.

"What for? Isn't it sort of rude to press?" Thirteen asked. I glared at her. She tossed her hands up for that innocent gesture.

"Just do it. I'm curious," I mumbled. Chase looked surprised, but quickly wiped the look off of his face before I could see it. He and Thirteen looked at each other and just nodded, walking out of the room to go find him.

Good, I'm going to find out who the hell this guy is.


End file.
